my perfect VALENTINE recipe

is packed with 8 special ingredients: 

2 sprigs of perfect sunny weather

3 splashes of ocean waves
5 twist eewy gooey cinnamon roll

a cupful with the ones i love

1 boxed movie 'the holiday'

4 parts chocolate

1 cup of wine (or more if you prefer)

1 happy heart

mix them all together & you've got my kind of valentines day

here is what the weather looked like here today

i walked along the beach with the ones i love

it was perfect 

you could have laid out & gotten a suntan

we have a famous cinnamon roll bakery right next to the beach

old west cinnamon rolls

they are insanely good with cream cheese frosting about an inch high

i ate every last bite

 i  also watched the perfect movie

i love it because it's romantic & fun & the set design is like love to my eyes

i could live in that cottage 

it's so cozy

from the cottage decor to the cute little stairwell

every girl deserves her own study

& a open kitchen stocked with all your food needs

& a bedroom with a real fireplace

(& a man who will fill it & light it)

she looks so snug 

that's my idea of a good night cozied up in bed with lots of food & watching a good chick flick 

i want to take a million bubble baths in that tub

the holiday images via out now-ch

here is some sweet pink eye candy for you

krysta manthe photography

above pink images via we heart it

 

not sure where this lovely photo is from?

& here are my 2 valentines

judah with his valentine 

he asked her to marry him
that's what happens when your in 2 weddings by the time your 2
you already ask a girl to marry you

less words more pictures & dwelling on the good

i was more than blown away by all of the thoughtfulness, love and encouragement i received in light of my last post.

thankfulness
comes to mind

i am doing really good these days thanks to all the prayers, friends who love me, my family, those of you who called me, hung out with me, texted me and being able to dwell on scripture to clear all of the fogginess and allow my mind to dwell on truth.

the fog has lifted 
so i'll share with you some more of me but this time in the form of my personal space the place i like to call my home.

my kitchen in particular
i can't say i'm comfortable doing it but i know some friends have urged me to do it in the past so here goes. i  created some letters a few weeks back for my kitchen. the letters color palette were inspired by my friend sara's pretty apron (my heart was in love when i saw it)

so much so i wanted to drive straight to anthropologie in santa barbara to get one too.  i already have one from that pretty store so i practiced self control. i had sea blue in mind when i went to get mine and not too florally just simple. well i settled on the one i purchased and i love it too it's just not my 1st choice color wise.

did you notice my kitchen is missing a stove?

it also needs the kitchen sink hooked up. my dad said he would put those in for me before we hit the recession. times are hard so i will wait some more before my kitchen is complete.

i really do love my apron

i need to hang mine from this hook (that i've had forever), just haven't done it yet

yep
just because i don't have a working kitchen doesn't mean i don't have a obsession with dishes

thanks again for all of your prayers

they

worked

sorry no pictures, inspiration or fluffy thoughts , just a really long post

dealing with the past

life seems to bring things back to us that we think our over and dealt with.

my past is an ugly one. full of heartache and loss and time i can never get back and the hardest part about it was how it changed me.

i will never be the girl i was before it happened. NEVER.... really. my past wasn't some moment i made a big mistake. no not at all, it was a period of moments and choices i made that forever changed me. those choices eventually began to shape who i was becoming.  i eventually became a very sad girl living a very unhappy, very confused life.  did you know that about me? i've always been happy-go-lucky but there was a time when i was very unhappy and very unlucky (not that i believe in luck).

i remember vividly the day GOD came and showed me it was over, over for me to stop living the way i was. HE provided a way out, he always had. I was finally willing to let HIM back in.  He was always with me but I had become very hardened in my heart. It was time to allow GOD to change me and HE did. HE used 3 very specific things to do that for me.

1st i lost my closest friendships. GOD allowed it and it made me realize i couldn't live like that because my friends were such a important part of my life. it hurt to lose them.

2nd he used my brother to speak GOD'S truth into my life at a time when my heart was so lost. he loved me through my pain.

3rd he led a woman into my life to disciple me and carry my burdens with me and help me through my heartache. she prayed with me and cried with me.

i got my friends back, i got close with my family again and i started living differently. there were so many battles during the first 2 years after. every time i thought i had healed something would come up and i had to fight through it with the help of my discipler.

eventually my past really did become my past. i remember thinking that was so long ago it isn't even fresh anymore.  there were however many years for me of sorrow over the fact that i was not yet married. my closest college and high school friends were all married and having babies and i was not. i would sometimes cry at night in my bed over the loneliness of wanting companionship. i wanted to be content but i wasn't.

i don't remember when exactly but i'm sure it's been almost 3 years now since i stopped hurting over my singleness and began to find joy in it. it wasn't any act of mine but GOD'S enablement. no bragging here just thankful to be on the other side of it. 3 years and 1 day ago exactly is when Judah was born and yes i think that had some hand in it. that little boy changed my whole perspective on life. i never cry at night anymore over loneliness.

3 years of contentment... and nothing can ever take it away. yet, my past has come back, YES the past I thought I had dealt with already, forgiving the person who hurt me, done all the praying, forgiving, etc.

i still forgive yet life has been hard lately and i've been really aware of my past and i don't even know what i am supposed to learn from it or how to deal with it.  i just know it's happening and it's supposed too. i wish i could tell you the happy ending to this post is that i am learning A, B & C but I am still in the process of it.

I was listening to the first song on my blog playlist tonight it's a song my college roomie and i used to love. it's about dreaming you're in heaven. i would listen to it in college and instantly feel so happy. tonight i listened to it to take myself back there and it just reminded me that I am not that girl anymore. it's hard to deal with the reality that a sequence of events forever changed my life. honestly sometimes i want to go back to before that all happened and be the innocent girl i was. i know that's not the christian answer but it's true. it's a struggle sometimes to be aware of the struggles that my past still brings.  they are very few and far between but when they come, they are hard.

I do have hope though. HOPE that this too will pass.  HOPE that GOD is always beside me and that HE knows every heartache i have.  HE gave nehemiah a vision to rebuild the walls of jerusalem that had been burned down. nehemiah did not grow weary and so i will remember nehemiah and his bravery. i am sad but not weary because my hope is not in the sins of my past but in the salvation of my GOD. HE will SAVE me! i know that my past does not define me but i pray that my heart will believe that today when everything seems a bit foggy.