Friday, May 23, 2008

Victorious Suffering

I have a confession to make. I am so prideful and realizing I don't live a life with much humility. Not the kind of humility Peter talks about. He tells me to be clothed in it and in submission to others. True humility does not expect praise from others. The other day I realized how much I like praise, even rely on it. Instead of first being in submission to others I am first worried about myself. My own feelings and finding my value in that at times. This is hard for me to admit. It truly reveals my heart and my character. First me then you.
I have another confession to make. I am so fearful about my future. I don't always truly believe God has the best for me.....that he will allow me to be taken care of. Of course I believe He is good and he is faithful. I know what I have been taught about him and I truly believe those things are true. It's just that I don't live like I believe that. I often try to protect myself from hurt and heartache. Not fully giving myself to anyone. I've let pain and hurt from my past have a hold in my life. I really thought I had been over and past it....but I am not. I don't trust like I did before all that hurt. I am different because of it. I am trying to find my way out of it. Trying to let go of controlling who I will let in and how in the world I can trust God through it. How sad that because one person hurt me a long time ago, I cannot seem to believe in God's good for me. I really have tried so very hard to move on and in many ways I have healed and my life went on. I grew and grew......but the whole issue of trust has never completely gone away for me. I want say I trust you Lord that you have my future worked out and that somedayI will be married and have children. Right? Iknow this is not the end all answer to life but it is my desire. I know it is no fairy tale but I still long for it.
I will share a bit of hope though. Through these hard times and through my self examination, I have been some how able to turn to the Lord. To begin to trust him when my hopes are shattered. To look to him and believe in his character. To have my faith be challenged so that I will have true faith. The kind that lasts through dissapointment and heartache and the unknown. I can wake up everyday and even though I feel sad....give him my hopes and my heavy burdens.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this. (Psalm 37:5)
What will he do? He will carry my burdens for me. I am committing my burdens to the Lord. What a relief I don't have to carry them. Many times I make the mistake of trying to bear my own burdens. I can wake up and find comfort in the fact that he loves me, he wants all my dreams to come true because he loves me and he made me. The peace I have each day as I am stretched and refined is comforting. It gets me through. May I have victory as I suffer. May I attribute everything good in my life to the Lord.
Please Pray for me to continue to be refined and to allow God to remake me. Pray my trust will be restored. My past will be behind me never to be laid hold of again. Pray for my prideful heart to be changed to one of humility. Pray for me to have wisdom and true faith.


Sean, Sara, Stella, Jonah, Ava said...

I'm praying for you friend. For peace for where the Lord has you right now, and comfort to know God will continue to carry out His will for you. Keep resting in His promises Jamie, He knows the desires of your heart. Love ya girl!

Colleen said...

Jamie- I love this post... you really painted an awesome picture of God as our comfort. I, too, feel such a peace that He does carry our burdens. Thank you for sharing. I am so glad we were able to talk for a while last night. You encourage me so much! I am committed to praying for you friend. Looking forward to talking again real soon. Love you so much! -Colleen

Jamie said...

Sara, Thanks for praying for me. I do have so much peace so your prayers are working. I love you very much and it's so good to be connected and share a bond through the Lord even though we live states apart.

Colleen, I was so inspired by your post so that is why I felt the need to share. You too encourage me, inspire me and bring joy to my heart. I love you so much.

Love, Jamie

James, Reese, Lauren said...

We are praying for you!!!
Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and he will make your path staright."

Jamie said...

Reese, I love having your families prayers. Thank you for being a blessing in my life. Love you, Jamie p.s. love my verse

CoachZ said...

The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me, because the LORD has anointed me to bring good news to the poor; he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,to proclaim liberty to the captives, and the opening of the prison to those who are bound; (Isa 61:1

This is one of my favorite verses (and chapters) in the Bible. Seems like it was one of Jesus' too since he quotes it at the beginning of his ministry (Luke 4).